Insomnia (insomnia) wrote,
Insomnia
insomnia

ding dong...

"Honey... will you get the door? Honey??! Oh, goddammit, where the hell is my robe? Who the hell can it be at this time of the morning?!"

(Ding dong! DINGDONGDINGDONG!)
(Rrrrruoof, Rrrrruoof..)

"Down Bruno... Down! Baaack! Siiiitt!!"

(Grrrrrrr...!)

"Yes, can I help you?!"

Will you pray with me?!

"Greetings, my name is... uh... well, you can call me Prince. I wanted to you all about the good news I have to share with you..."

"You're that rich guy who lives in that big purple house down the road, aren't you? Good news? Are you moving out or something? Uh, yeah, we're sorry to hear..."

"No, I plan on living around here for a long time... (grrrrrrrowl!) it's like home to me and it's got a good bowling alley. No, I wanted to tell you the good news. I've been born again into the Church of the Jehovah's Witnesses and I'm here to tell you the good news about the Jesus Christ and about the blessings of our Lord Jehovah..."

"Oh, Jeezus Christ..." (glares...)

"Yes, and the Lord Jehovah! Isn't it simply divine? Here... have a Watchtower. It will tell you all about our lord Jesus Christ, who will return any day, and it will also tell you how to cope with prostate problems!"

"My prostate? How did you..?!! You listen here, you little peckerhead, I don't know what that asshole Gus has been telling you at the bowling alley, but just because a man has to take a leak now and then..."

"I wish you didn't use that kind of language. It hurts me... it really does. People who talk like that get into weird relationships, and end up smoking, and..."

"Yeah, I know what you've been smoking, you frilly little freak! You better get the hell offa my property, mister, and I mean now!"

"But Jesus loves you and it would be a..."

"Bruno, sick 'em!"

(GGrrrrr! Rrrrrowf! ***CHOMP!***)

"Oh my god, Jehovah, help me! AieeEE!! Oh Jesus and Jehovah, my neck! No, I'm bleeding, OH HELP ME SWEET JESUS!!"

"Yeah, you run your ass the hell outta here before you bleed all over my porch. Sure do hope you don't need a transfusion for that!"
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