Insomnia (insomnia) wrote,
Insomnia
insomnia

This new old experiment is not going entirely as I hoped for.

So,  It's not even two days since my last post, and already I have two things I wanted to write about in detail, but don't feel entirely comfortable about writing here, dealing with love, sex, personal kinks, friendship, respect... and the obliquely-implied, silently-whispered ways in which they all connect to each other.

*sadmaking*

(Well, three if you count the cute barista who reminds me of a slash version of Capt. Jack Harkness.)

...and now that I am back, I start checking through people's LJ posts again, only to find that Jacob A. has stopped writing on LJ just recently, and is kind of on-the-run... though I guess it can be said that he is arguably running *to* places as much as running away from others.  What I think concerns me more is not the chance of someone doing something bad to him -- though it is certainly possible -- but the costs to him, of having to live that way.

*also sadmaking*

Things I am thinking of...

-  I feel blessed -- and cursed -- to know so many exceptional people, oftentimes on the bleeding edge of society.  (I wonder whether they all know how special they are? I wonder if they realize that they're far more attractive than I am?!) 

-  When Allen Ginsburg wrote about having seen the best minds of his generation destroyed by madness, he was in his late 20s, talking about his close, personal friends.  

-  Sometimes, it's got to be really convenient to be "normal", and not to care too much, feel too much, love too much, want too much, and wish for impossible highly improbable things.

-- This.
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 4 comments
Does ANYone feel normal ? Is that even possible ?
I do know some people with low intensity levels for everything. Very convenient as you put it. Comfortable. But then again, are they getting much out of life ?
dude, what happened to "fuck you"? write about it anyway :) it's your journal!

seems pretty "normal" to long for things you don't have :) grass is always greener and whatnot.
I did write about it to some extent. But that said, there will probably always be some things I hold back to not hurt others. I know the significance of what I write to me, which counts far more about how transparent it is for everyone else.

Being completely open about everything is a work-in-progress, and isn't always appropriate. The more important thing, to me, is that I am writing about myself and for myself, and that it's beneficial to the process, so to speak.
IOW, even if its "obliquely-implied, silently-whispered", it's still written down to and for me. And that's a start.

Really, it's actually kind of a dicey thing for me to think of others reading this. I think that's been part of the problem. Frankly, I have been thinking of simply turning comments off entirely, if only because it might make it easier for me to write what I want without thinking as much about other people's judgments or feelings.