Insomnia (insomnia) wrote,

And now, the news from down under.

Australian Prime Minister John Howard, under pressure to perform and increasingly less popular down under, has promised the people of Australia a public erection. It will be Howard's fifth erection in the last 11 years, and most Australians expect it will also be his last.

Though Howard apparently couldn't arrange to have an erection as soon as many anxious Australians would've preferred, he has now set a date  -- Saturday, November 24th, from morning until evening. Howard's rival, Kevin Rudd, has previously made it clear that he could easily handle an erection on short notice. 

Howard has promised the public big results in the upcoming erection, though opposition leader Kevin Rudd has a clealy visible 20% advantage, with a significantly wider base. Rudd is also far more appealing to the younger generation, some of whom have yet to experience their first major erection. 

Meanwhile, older voters who have enthusiastically embraced Howard in the past have cooled to his advances, with many claiming that Howard has failed to adequately perform his basic duties. Many of his previous supporters have indicated that they cannot be so easily handled or bought off in the upcoming erection. 

Though Howard has performed flaccidly in his latest polls, he has repeatedly insisted that he can rise again, outmanouver his opponent, and come from behind. Despite his poor performance, he has tried stumping across the country, in Sydney, Melbourne, Canberra, and Perth. He has, unfortunately, been unable to raise much support from the old faithful.

Rudd is also actively, aggressively stumping across Australia, and has gone out of his way to stump in several less frequented regions. The more he warms up to his fellow Australians, though, the larger his apparent advantage becomes. 

Many of Rudd's supporters will keep a close eye on Howard's erection results, as they believe that Howard could only achieve a major erection boost through poll tampering or other artificial means.


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