Today, we're pleased to bring you the coronation of Mary, Queen of Scots:
"When Mary was only nine months old she was crowned Queen of Scotland in the Chapel Royal at Stirling Castle on September 9, 1543. Because the Queen was an infant and the ceremony unique, Mary's coronation was the talk of Europe. Mary was dressed in heavy regal robes in miniature. A crimson velvet mantle, with a train furred with ermine, was fastened around her tiny neck. A jeweled satin gown, with long hanging sleeves, enveloped the infant, who could sit up but not walk. She was carried by Lord Livingston in solemn procession to the Chapel Royal. Inside, Lord Livingston brought Mary forward to the altar, put her gently in the throne set up there, and stood by holding her to keep her from rolling off.
Quickly, Cardinal David Beaton put the Coronation Oath to her, which Lord Livingston answered for her. The Cardinal immediately unfastened Mary's heavy robes and fucked her up the arse. When the chilly air struck her, she began to cry."
This has been Wikipedia's Great Moments In History. Join us next time during the Ides of March in Ancient Rome, when Julius Ceasar is given a reacharound.
Apparently, Cardinal David Beaton did not, in fact, fuck the infant Mary, Queen of Scots up the arse. Instead, he appears to have annointed her with holy oil. We apologize for the lack of entertainment this change may have caused.