And now, a short recap of the investigation into the blantantly unconstitutional warrantless domestic spying program:
Former AT&T employee: Your government is spying on you! Press: SCORE! Bush administration: No we're not... and we refuse to comment anyway! AT&T: And even if we were to comment, we couldn't say anything. Maybe BellSouth or Verizon could answer your questions, though. BellSouth: Bastards! Verizon: Wha...?! Qwest: All you guys suck! The Feds approached us, and we told 'em to go to hell. Judge: Well, let's find out more about it in court, then. Former AT&T employee: Finally, my day in court! Attorney General: Or not. Case closed. Documents sealed in perpetuity! Judge: Wha..? Former AT&T employee: Wha?!! Press: WHA...?!?! American public: (Zzzzzz...snort!) Did someone say something?! Bush administration: Sssh. Go back to sleep. Press: Here's the proof! American public: Hey! The press was right! We *ARE* being spied on! Press: ...And in the latest poll, Bush is less popular than painful rectal itching! Bush administration: Screw you guys. I'll be back on top! You're all a bunch of traitors! Attorney General: ...and ve have vays of dealink vit traitors! Rumsfeld: Hey, look... It's Zarqawi! Bush: SCORE! I'm more popular than rectal itching again! Go back to sleep, everyone! *BOOM* American public: Huh! What's that?! Bush: Just a little conflict. It'll fizzle out... *BOOM**BOOM**BOOM**BOOM* Gingrich: It's World War III! Neocons: Yes. It *IS* World War III! Let loose the dogs of war! Christian fundamentalists: Yay war! The Rapture is coming... time to start praying, or you'll be left behind! Wanna buy a Bible?! American public: Aaaaaah! Conservatives: Um, excuse me guys, but I don't remember signing on for this! Bush: Sorry. No do-overs. Congress: But I still think what the President did was unconstitutional! Attorney General: No it wasn't. Congress: Why?! Attorney General: Because he said it wasn't. He's the one who cancelled the trial anyway. Unwritten presidential authority and all that. Congress: Oh. Attorney General: Yup. There ya go. I'd like to help you, but you can see how my hands are tied and all that. Sooner or later, I'm sure I'll get around to organizing a secret tribunal that will decide that it's not illegal, and when I know that it isn't... well, I can't tell you, because that would be illegal too. Congress: Oh. Well... alright then. Bush: Go back to sleep everyone. I'll be sure to wake you when my term is up. *BOOM**BOOM**BOOM**BOOM**BOOM!*
