Insomnia (insomnia) wrote,

Happy Holidays, Christians!

Once more, it's the time of year when good Christians gather together and Celebrate the birth of their Lord Jesus Christ act like a bunch of meanspirited, victimized assholes, as they gather together around the television, flagellating themselves up to a froth with Bill O'Reilly, Pat Robertson, or some other judgemental, hypocritical, makeup-wearing, rightwing douchebag. It's the time of year to write nastigrams to Wal-Mart, Sears, Target, Ford Motor Company, Wells Fargo and any other company that welcomes business from all of their customers, threatening protests and boycotts until they mend their wicked, evil ways.

That is, after all, what God-fearing Christians are supposed to do during the Christmas holidays, right? You would think so, because their leaders seem to invent another spiritual crisis every few months that requires immediate public action -- and, of course, immediate donations. None of them seems to question why Pat Robertson is worth between $200 million and $1 billion dollars. Camel. Eye. Needle. He's certainly not practicing Christianity in any way that might agree with the actual teachings of Christ.

This year, their primary target is the ACLU, who somehow "forced" businesses to banish Christmas from their stores for fear of lawsuits. Nevermind that it's complete bullshit.

The notion of a "war on Christmas" is "nonsense," said Jeremy Gunn, director of the ACLU's Program on Freedom of Religion and Belief. Christians can put religious displays on church and personal property "and the ACLU will defend their right to do so," said Gunn. "The issue is whether people want to have a political fight about putting religious displays on government property. We wonder why people are seeking such controversy. Is that the Christmas spirit?"

Now we hear that Bill O'Reilly says that "There's a very secret plan ... to diminish Christian philosophy in the U.S.A." He's found the person he thinks is responsible for it, too. George Soros... a wealthy Jewish investor who is behind such godless acts as supporting pro-democratic organizations around the world. He's largely responsible for their being a democratic, pro-Western government in the former Soviet Republic of Georgia, for instance.

How like O'Reilly to blame a Jew for trying to kill Christmas. That said, there is a more likely culprit, who is personally responsible for the God-hating phrase "Happy Holidays" coming into existance in the first place. His name? Israel Isidore Baline.

Israel Isidore Baline was born in Russia. The son of a rabbi, he infiltrated the United States and started hanging out with all sorts of unsavory characters, such as journalists, godless drug addicts in the entertainment industry, and New York intellectuals. He was drafted to go to war, but served only one year in the US in a cushy assignment, rather than going overseas to serve his country.

How did he manage to infiltrate the phrase "happy holidays" into our language? With the help of a marajuana-smoking Roman Catholic. Together, Israel Isidore Baline and his co-conspirator intentionally orchestrated a shocking plot against God, Christmas, and the American people.

That conspiracy, the 1942 musical "Holiday Inn", contained the song whose lyrics led to the godless phrase "happy holidays". "Holiday Inn" soon became the highest grossing musical of its time, and the song "Happy Holiday" was soon on the lips of godfearing Christians at practically every Christmas party in America. In 1947, Bing, the drug-using, child-abusing Catholic, once more conspired with Israel Baline (aka Irving Berlin) to bring about the downfall of God by releasing the best-selling single for the next fifty years.

So, by all means Christians, go home and spend the Christmas season with your family, and feel free to reflect upon the actual teachings and gifts of Jesus... you absolutely have that right. Infact, that's what you *SHOULD* be doing, not only this Christmas, but year around too.

That said, please be aware that it won't be too long before religious loons backed by social conservative nutjobs will be back on the scene with another hot-button issue they've designed to push *YOUR* buttons, in the hope you'll give them more of your attention and money. My advice? Shun them like the heretics they are. I mean, aren't they engaging in *exactly* the same kind of self-aggrandizing, issue-based prostitution you find so distasteful in Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. (Don't try to deny it... we know you do.)

Vampires like Robertson and O'Reilly don't have a limited set of things that outrage them and a limited set of social demands they'd like to foist on the rest of us, because they are parasites. If they force every company in America to say Merry Christmas to you this year, the same douchebags will be back next year asking for nativity scenes in every store window, heterosexual-only bathrooms, or anything else they think they can get you angry about. They'll be back with more demands, more threats, and will hit you up for more money year after year, Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter.

You see, their jobs absolutely depend upon your anger and intolerance. In fact, they're counting on it. They've got big businesses to run, they want your money every fiscal quarter, and they really don't care how they do it. They demogogue on a regular basis because they want your time and your money. Oh, how they love your money. And you, you give them money every time you give them your attention. How do you feel about having hucksters like Robertson and Falwell slap lipstick on your religion and sell it off to the highest bidder, by the way?

Truth is, you don't need these false Christians to be a good Christian yourself. They're not a good example for you or your family, so just shut them off, spend the holiday with your loved ones worshipping God and sharing the story of Jesus, and if they ask you for your money or your attention, be sure to tell them to piss off, go home, and spend the holiday with their families too, before they demogogue what's left of America's rights and free speech away.

Yeah... free speech. As in, if Wal-Mart wants to lump a half-dozen major celebrations into one general statement and say "Happy Holidays!", or if Ford wants to sell trucks to lesbians, they should have the right to do so. It's America, after all.

That's what *I* want for Christmas. Is that really too much to ask?

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