Insomnia (insomnia) wrote,
Insomnia
insomnia

Rumsfeld inspliars the troops!

When Rumsfeld talked to soldiers in Kuwait, he probably didn't expect to be put on the spot about how he's absolutely failed to provide them with adequate armor and equipment.

Fortunately, he's got answers. Four years into the Bush administration, the reason for these problems is clear!

It's *STILL* Clinton's fault!

"As you know, you go to war with the army you have, not the army you might want or wish to have at a later time..."

Of course, our government *KNEW* we'd be going to war just days after 9/11... so you'd think that nearly forty months later, things would be improved, and we'd have armored personnel carriers for troops that were, you know... armored.

When these answers didn't quiet the dissent from the soldiers, Rumsfeld accused them of being young rabblerousers who picked on the elderly...

"Now settle down, settle down. Hell, I'm an old man, and it's early in the morning."

Rumsfeld also pointed out that armor can be hazardous to your health.

"If you think about it, you can have all the armor in the world on a tank and a tank can be blown up. And you can have an up-armored Humvee and it can be blown up..."

Gee. Why armor anything at all, when it can be blown up? Cast off your body armor, soldiers!

Personally, I always thought that the idea was that the Humvees and the tanks were replaceable, myself... but that soldiers (i.e. someone's son, daughter, father, mother, friend, etc.) weren't. Silly me.

Rumsfeld did crow about how the most powerful country in the world is able to upgrade about 400 armored vehicles a month, however. Wow... that's like 13 a day. USA! USA! Really impressive when you figure we have billions of dollars to spend on this task that are just sitting around collecting dust.

I know how we can easily double that number. We need to hire the A-Team, McGuyver, and the people over at Junkyard Wars and Battlebots and let them loose. Maybe we can even hire the Aussies who did "Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome"... we'd have those vehicles armored in no time!

Bush has another alternative though, since reenforced armor is, apparently, an explosive substance. Spiritual armor! It's not Iraqis we're fighting after all, but Satan himself... and he's in Falluja! (Or at least he was...) Simply gird your loins with truth, strap on your breastplate of righteousness, take the shield of faith, and don your helmet of salvation... how hard is that?!

Or, as Specialist Pepin of the New York National Guard says,
"It's kind of like an act of faith. When you get in your vehicle, you just hope, you know. Say a little prayer before you go out."

See?! It works!
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