Insomnia (insomnia) wrote,

A word from Osama Bin Laden...

Osama just released a public statement to the people of the US, so I figured I would share it and respond...


"This is a message from Usama bin Muhammad bin Ladin to the American people regarding your aggression in Iraq. Peace be upon those who follow the righteous path.

"Some have the impression that you are a reasonable people. But the majority of you are vulgar and without sound ethics or good manners. (I'm not entirely disagreeing with you, but that's an awfully rude way to start a conversation... besides, these criticisms are hardly reserved for just Americans. Arab men can be such twisted little sex monkeys. I mean *Japanese* twisted!) You elect the evil from among you, (*nods*) the greatest liars and the least decent and you are enslaved by your richest and the most influential among you (*nods!*), especially the Jews(Huh?! What the f*ck is it between you and the Jews anyway? You sound like one of those anti-semites I hear about every now and then. Now, I could understand if your problem was with the Israelis, but noooooo... you've got to always mention the Jews. I know a lot of Jewish people, and, surprisingly enough, they aren't all that rich and influential. They haven't enslaved me once yet -- much to my dismay -- and, well, they can be kinda cute at times, can't they?!), who lead you using the lie of democracy (Well, admittedly, we *aren't* a democracy. If we were, the person who got the most votes would be running this country...) to support the Israelis (Good for you. You didn't use the "J" word!) and their schemes and in complete antagonism towards our religion (Islam). (So, why drag in your religion now? Maybe Israel isn't so much anti-Islam as anti-people-who-pose-a-potential-threat-to-Israel. Admittedly, that list is so wide as to encompass much of Islam, but that's mostly because they've been in fight mode for so long that their leaders have turned into a bunch of violent, paranoid, amoral thugs. Then again, I don't see Arafat picking daisies on the weekends either...)

"These schemes are paid for in our blood and land, and your blood and economy.This has been proved by recent events. And the war on Iraq, which has nothing to do with you, is proof of that. Bush and his gang, with their heavy sticks and hard hearts, are an evil to all humankind. They have stabbed into the truth, until they have killed it altogether in the eyes of the world. With this behaviour they have encouraged hypocrisy, and spread vice and political bribes shamelessly at the level of heads of state."(Amen! Testify, my brother!)

"This gang and their leader enjoy lying, war and looting to serve their own ambitions. The blood of the children of Vietnam, Somalia, Afghanistan and Iraq is still dripping from their teeth. (Um... don't you think that Vietnam is kind of old blood to be bringing up here?!) They have fooled you and deceived you into invading Iraq a second time. And they have lied to you and the whole world.

Nations are nothing without ethics and morals. If these are gone, the nations are gone. (Wow. I'd applaud this statement if it weren't for the fact that -- if things were different -- you would gladly impose your ethics and morals upon all of us.)

Bush has sent your sons into the lion�s den, to slaughter and be slaughtered, claiming that this act was in defence of international peace and America�s security, thus concealing the facts.

"On one hand he (Bush) is carrying out the demands of the Zionist lobby (Stop saying the words Jews and Zionists. Really. Stop. As for your other point, while admittedly, Washington is very successfully and heavily lobbied by pro-Israel organizations, you make this Zionist lobby sound like a real, tangible place. "I have a friend who works as a security guard in the Zionist lobby...") that helped him to enter the White House. These demands are to destroy the military strength of Iraq because it is too close to the Jews in occupied Palestine, regardless of the harm that will happen to your people and your economy.

"On the other hand, he (Bush) is concealing his own ambitions and the ambitions of the Zionist lobby and their own desire for oil. He is still following the mentality of his ancestors who killed the Native Americans to take their land and wealth. (Learn your history. Bush's ancestors wouldn't have dared to fight the Indians. People get hurt that way. His ancestors do, however, have experience in cozying up to bloddthirsty dictators and in war profiteering...) He thought that this time it would be an easy task and a lie that would not be exposed.

"But God sent him to Baghdad, the seat of the Caliphate, the homeland of people who prefer death to honey. (Wow... maybe God really did tell Bush to attack Iraq!) So they (the Iraqis) turned his profits into losses, his joy into sadness and now he is merely looking for a way back home. (God loves a good practical joke!)

"Thanks be to God Almighty who has exposed the lies of George Bush and made his term as president a term of continual catastrophe." (Thanks God! But couldn't you have spared our soldiers and just smited Bush's ass instead? He needs a good smiting!)

"To Bush I say, you are begging the world to come to your aid, begging mercenaries from every corner of the world, even from small states. This begging has destroyed your pride and revealed how trivial and weak you are after claiming to defend the whole world. (I bet you wouldn't say that around our coalition partners from the Virgin Islands and Trashmanistan. Those guys'll kick your ass!)

"Now you are like the knight who was trying to protect people from the Sword of Malik, (Sword of maWho??! Isn't Malik a friend of Jamal's? Does he know his sword is missing?) and ended up begging someone to protect him.

"We reserve the right to retaliate at the appropriate time and place against all countries involved, (And we reserve the right to make your followers go all explodey. If they're nice, however, they may win an all-expenses-paid Caribbean vacation in lovely Cooo-bah!) especially the UK, Spain, Australia, Poland, Japan and Italy, not to exclude those Muslim states that took part, especially the Gulf states, and in particular Kuwait, which has become a beachhead for the crusading forces. (Offer limited while supplies last. Not available in Hawaii or Alaska. Local sales tax may apply.)

"And to the American soldiers in Iraq I say, now that all the lies have been exposed and the greatest liar has been revealed, your stay on Iraq�s land is compounding the oppression and is a great folly.

"It shows you are selling your lives for the lives of others. And you are spilling your blood to swell the bank accounts of the White House gang and their fellow arms dealers and the proprietors of great companies. And the greatest folly in life is to sell your life for the lives of others. (What tools!)

"In conclusion, I say to the American people we will continue to fight you and continue to conduct martyrdom operations inside and outside the United States until you depart from your oppressive course and abandon your follies and rein in your fools. (Or reign out Bush, as the case may be...)

"You have to know that we are counting our dead, may God bless them, especially in Palestine, who are killed by your allies the Jews. (*coff* Hitler! *coff*) We are going to take revenge for them from your blood, God willing, as we did on the day of New York. Remember what I said to you on that day about our security and your security. Baghdad the seat of the Caliphate, will not fall to you, God willing, and we will fight you as long as we carry our guns. And if we fall, our sons will take our place. (*sigh* He's probably right, you know....)

"And may our mothers become childless if we leave any of you alive on our soil." ("Yer motherrrr was a hamsterrr and yer fatherrr smelled of elderberrries!...")

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