Once again, a potentially great nation is held back by the willingness of a bunch of ignorant, thickheaded, rednecks to sell their vote to the highest bidder. I think Northern California should team up with Oregon and Washington and just secede from the nation.
No great spectacle like the American electoral process would be complete without giving credit where it is due. The next four/eight years are brought to you by:
The National Rifle Association (Kudos to Charleton Heston for making law abiding armed citizens into paranoid armed citizens...)
The Christian Coalition (Pat Robertson: the moral compass of the unwashed American!)
Microsoft (Now shipping Dubya 2000! Those aren't bugs, they're features...)
The pharmaceutical manufacturers (America has the best health care money can buy... if you can afford it.)
Big oil/big polluters (Coming to a neighborhood near you!)
There are a ton of others that deserve part of the credit, but I wanted to give special thanks to Bill Clinton. Without your eight years of hard campaigning for Bush, none of this would have been possible! Thanks, bozo....