Dear highly, highly improbable Christian God,
Just wanted to let you know that I didn't move up to S.F. just so that I can swelter in an 80 degree apartment. Had plenty of that in the South Bay already, thanks.
If you actually exist, and are allowing this to happen, go f*ck yourself. If you don't exist, go f*ck those of your followers who insist on denying global warming. It would be helpful if they insisted on denying the existence of cliffs and gravity too while they're at it, because I would rather not have to go over the cliff with them, at least when it comes to hot weather.