July 18th, 2006


And verily, you will know the coming of the Lord...

...by the LJ spam that proceeds him.

Just got this quizzical message in the Journalists community:

Машиах в Израиле!!!
Пришёл Час Спасения!
Машиах в Израиле!!!
Признайте Машиаха.
Поклонитесь Ему.
Примите Его всем сердцем и душой.
Спасите себя, спасите мир!
Раскайтесь как в Йом Кипур, простите друг друга.
Признание Машиаха - конец войне!

> > > По любому возникшему вопросу
обращайтесь по телефаксу: 153-893-489-24

***Номер телефона скоро заработает. Звоните, обращайтесь. Вам все объяснят!

From what I can tell, this seems to be saying that the Машиах, Mashiakh, or the Jewish Messiah, is now in Israel, the hour of rescue has arrived, and that people should recognize him, bow to him, accept him, and prostate themselves before him. Acknowleding him means the end of the war. And if you have any questions, just fax the number above, and all will be explained.

So, failing some sort of big, booming voice or a big flashing sign in the Heavens, how are you supposed to find out about these things without a bit of spam? Just adding a single bright star in the sky will obvously not cut it; experience shows that's only of interest to a couple of wise guys with too much time on their hands.

So, let's all give a big shout out to the Messiah! (What took you so long, anyway?!)

And don't forget... you heard it here first!

George Will rips Condoleeza, neocons.

Conservative George Will writes in his latest column that Condoleeza Rice's latest speech "makes instability, no matter how pandemic or lethal . . . a sign of progress. Violence is vindication."

In other words, what happens when you fight violence with violence, only to discover that by doing so, you're creating even greater levels of violence and instability? Is an overresponse to terrorist violence really a sign of progress, or is it pretty much the same thing as putting your hand in a hornet's nest, after one of the hornets stung you?

Will points out that it would be wrong of the Bush administration to criticize Israel for its use of force in Lebanon, not because Israel's use of force is necesarily justified, but because it would've been a very hypocritical thing to do after responding "to two hours of terrorism one September morning by toppling two regimes halfway around the world with wars that show no signs of ending."

But wait... it gets better!

He also goes after Bill Kristol's neocon screed, The Weekly Standard, by calling their editorial advocating an attack on Iran "so untethered from reality as to defy caricature".

"The U.S. military has enough on its plate in the deteriorating wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, which both border Iran. . . containment, although of uncertain success, did work against Stalin and his successors, and might be preferable to a war against a nation much larger and more formidable than Iraq."

Indeed, it could be argued that containment was working in Iraq too, despite the effect that the excessively harsh sanctions were having on the Iraqis. Both Rice and Powell said as much, in fact.

Will also points out that The Weekly Standard also advocated war with Syria back in late 2004. Presumably, the neocons would have the U.S. fight / occupy four countries at once then... and maybe contribute considerably to a UN force in Lebanon too?

It seems odd to rely on a Conservative to say it, but the essential truth remains. As anyone who has ever been in a raucous bar will tell you, sometimes the wisest thing to do is simply not to fight. Not attacking indiscriminately when provoked isn't necessarily cowardice or appeasement. Sometimes, it's simply wisdom.

One constant remains: you've got to pick your battles carefully. Pick too many at once, and you risk losing all of them.

Routing around justice.

And now, a short recap of the investigation into the blantantly unconstitutional warrantless domestic spying program:

Former AT&T employee: Your government is spying on you!
Press: SCORE!
Bush administration: No we're not... and we refuse to comment anyway!
AT&T: And even if we were to comment, we couldn't say anything. Maybe BellSouth or Verizon could answer your questions, though.
BellSouth: Bastards!
Verizon: Wha...?!
Qwest: All you guys suck! The Feds approached us, and we told 'em to go to hell.
Judge: Well, let's find out more about it in court, then.
Former AT&T employee: Finally, my day in court!
Attorney General: Or not. Case closed. Documents sealed in perpetuity!
Judge: Wha..?
Former AT&T employee: Wha?!!
Press: WHA...?!?!
American public: (Zzzzzz...snort!) Did someone say something?!
Bush administration: Sssh. Go back to sleep.
Press: Here's the proof!
American public: Hey! The press was right! We *ARE* being spied on!
Press: ...And in the latest poll, Bush is less popular than painful rectal itching!
Bush administration: Screw you guys. I'll be back on top! You're all a bunch of traitors!
Attorney General: ...and ve have vays of dealink vit traitors!
Rumsfeld: Hey, look... It's Zarqawi!
Bush: SCORE! I'm more popular than rectal itching again! Go back to sleep, everyone!
American public: Huh! What's that?!
Bush: Just a little conflict. It'll fizzle out...
Gingrich: It's World War III!
Neocons: Yes. It *IS* World War III! Let loose the dogs of war!
Christian fundamentalists: Yay war! The Rapture is coming... time to start praying, or you'll be left behind! Wanna buy a Bible?!
American public: Aaaaaah!
Conservatives: Um, excuse me guys, but I don't remember signing on for this!
Bush: Sorry. No do-overs.
Congress: But I still think what the President did was unconstitutional!
Attorney General: No it wasn't.
Congress: Why?!
Attorney General: Because he said it wasn't. He's the one who cancelled the trial anyway. Unwritten presidential authority and all that.
Congress: Oh.
Attorney General: Yup. There ya go. I'd like to help you, but you can see how my hands are tied and all that. Sooner or later, I'm sure I'll get around to organizing a secret tribunal that will decide that it's not illegal, and when I know that it isn't... well, I can't tell you, because that would be illegal too.
Congress: Oh. Well... alright then.
Bush: Go back to sleep everyone. I'll be sure to wake you when my term is up.

Revenge of "Choose Fresno!"

Some of you might remember my harsh, harsh dissin' of the city of Fresno, California and it's "Choose Fresno" slogan... but I got a comment recently which I really had a hard time disagreeing with:

"fresno is better than iraq.

ya it sucks but as said before it is home; as unfortunate as that is."

My reply?

"Yes, indeed. Fresno *IS* better than Iraq!

(Unless, of course, you live in Fresno, and wish you were dead. In which case, Iraq might be a better choice.)"

For those of you in Iraq, it was a brisk 105 degrees in Fresno yesterday... and they have some pretty damn good tacos too, so how could you not be envious?

Looks about the same, tho...

Latest fun Fresno facts!:

- Fresno's mayor, Alan Autry, is best known as playing Bubba on the television series In the Heat of the Night. Nowadays, He is commonly referred to as Mayor Bubba.

- Police made multiple arrests recently in a suspected gangrape of an 11-year-old by as many as eight Fresno college football players... so I guess there is something to do in Fresno after all.

- There's a Xanga blogring for Fresno users, appropriately entitled "Fresno Really Sucks".

- Read up on Fresno's native son, Marcus Wesson. He's one badass, twisted, serial-killing freak.

- Perhaps you remember the time shortly after actress Anne Heche seperated from partner Ellen DeGeneres, when Heche was found wandering through a city, ranting incoherently to the locals, and had to be hospitalized? That city? Fresno, California. You know you're a f*cked up mess, when you...