May 28th, 2004


"Hey, coalition members... have you beaten your wife lately?!"

A recent U.S. report claims that Poland and other unnamed coalition partners also abused prisoners in Iraq.

As can be expected, this report is causing a major shitstorm amongst the "Coalition of the less-than-fully-willing". To the governments of these "partner" countries, it must feel to them like a betrayal by the US government -- "Sure, the US got caught abusing prisoners, but hey, we're not the only ones!"

"Thanks partner..." says the Polish government, as opposition to involvement in the war goes from 60% to 74% overnight. Sounds like a serious shake-up is about to occur in the Polish government... If Poland doesn't leave Iraq at the end of June, their leadership will pay for it with their jobs come August.

Meanwhile, the Bulgarians are facing the same issue. One can only assume that the war got a lot less popular there as well. Things are not much better in Italy, either. It would be ironic if Europe soon found itself with progressive governments as a result of the war in Iraq -- with the obvious exception of Great Britain, which will be led by the Tories again. Oh joy.

"Britain needs to be the driving seat of Europe. In the driving seat. Or in the passenger seat, that's pretty good, you know, cause you can take a sleep for a little bit� 'Uhhh -- are we there yet?' You know? At the moment, Britain's not even in the European car. We're outside the car, at the traffic lights, going, 'We're going to clean your windows, all right?'" - Eddie Izzard

The one thing that nobody seems to want to do anywhere is take any responsibility for the war. Besides, fingerpointing makes for better television. In the "I used to have respect for that guy" column is Former Polish president Lech Walesa, who blamed the French and the Germans for *not doing enough* to unite Europe against U.S. government disinfo prior to the war in order to keep Poland out of the conflict.

Exsqueeze me?! Since when did it become France and Germany's responsibility to screw in the lightbulbs for the Poles, just because they can't seem to do it for themselves?

Now, if Bush were smart, he'd find a way to blame the French and Germans for the war too...

"Why did our so-called allies allow us to be dragged into a war based on flawed, foriegn intelligence? Why, when we went to the UN with the goal of preventing war, did they try so hard to destroy the peace?" says an imaginary President Bush.

And perhaps someone named Gunther removed his training wheels, too.

From the files of the "bet you saw that coming" dept.

In order to appease Iraq and the UN, the US is no longer considering letting the new Iraqi government be ruled by Ahmad Chalabi, an out-of-touch Iraqi expatriot war profiteer with a murky past and suspicious ties to the CIA.

Instead, they are now considering Iyad Allawi, a relative of Chalabi, who is an out-of-touch Iraqi expatriot war profiteer with a murky past and suspicious ties to the CIA. Oh... and he's also a former member of the Ba'ath Party.

Selah! And the people of Iraq rejoice!