January 22nd, 2004



Here are the answers to the questions I was asked in this post. If I notice some more questions come in, I will try to answer those as well. I probably answered the questions entirely too thoroughly, thereby giving away the questions themselves, but there ya go... Maximum verbosity!


mshathvri -- Yes. Usually it's a case of my mind going 1000 miles an hour or being absorbed in something. I also have a habit of catnapping, too, which often leads to strangely fractured sleep schedules, less than usual hours, and late night LJ posts.

mp_reyart -- From all over the place. See my friends list. Check out the RSS feeds I read. I read lots of weblogs (MetaFilter, BoingBoing, Dear Raed, Riverbend, Juan Cole, Joi Ito, etc.) Scour http://news.google.com for the latest news on given subjects. Look at radically differing opinions -- NYT, the Drudge Report, Buzzflash, British and Australian newspapers, NPR, Christian Science Monitor, Al Jazeera, Lunaville, etc. Seek out first-hand accounts whenever possible. Don't be afraid to contact others -- even reporters -- for more information. If they put their name on what they write, they should be prepared to back it up with evidence.

douglasjames -- They can't entirely. The best way to deal with them is to negate their reasons for being upset at us in the first place. This means supporting concepts like democracy, justice, empathy, fairness, and the rule of law, even when they're not entirely convenient. The next best way is to attack their finances and those who provide them with political support. The next method is to reduce the risk by not exposing those who are most vulnerable to attack. Lastly, you can always attack them. However, unless the other steps are in place, such attempts will at best be a symbolic act and a minor setback to your enemies, and at worst, will lead to more opposition than before. Any solution should be realistic and comprohensive in nature, without causing more problems than it attempts to solve.

iceblink -- With whom?

josephgrossberg -- Yes, eyeshadow. No, lipstick. Dressed up for a goth club, with obligatory photos taken beforehand.

voiceandsalt -- I hate to admit it, but I'm not sure that I have any, by most people's definitions. I read a ton of philosophy (and books in general) when I was younger, and took years of classes in humanities, and while I'm sure all of those ideas influenced me, I think what it mostly did was encourage me to think for myself. I hate dogma of any variety. My interests aren't in obeying any given philosophical system. My interests are primarily that of promoting the happiness and wellbeing of others and of myself, and that means ideas that work for any given situation. I'm very generous with my ideas and tend to think about the problems that others express in an effort to be helpful, but I try not to shove my ideas down other's throats or say that they are "the only way". I love reason and believe it is of great value, but you can't think yourself out of some problems. Infact, sometimes thinking *IS* the problem, and when it is, you have to realize the signs. The best solutions in life use reason *AND* knowledge of how we tend to feel/think/act/behave to create truely humane and humanistic solutions. The ideal philosophy should be one of finding practical solutions to everyday life. It would realize that a lot of the really big questions (is there a deity, a meaning to life, etc.) are -- at least for the time being, at least -- unknowable. The ideal philosophy should be like a big, comfy couch... with proper ergonomics and a titanium steel support structure.

My advice? Find what works for you, but remain open to new ideas. One size doesn't necessarily fit all.

Wow, that's a long answer. Couldn't I just say Edward Gorey or Rupert the Bear or Beatles/Smiths/Cure lyrics or something like that?! ;->

eryr -- Having and maintaining a great relationship with iceblink, and becoming an arguably better person in the process.

serpina -- That's a tough one. Are we talking about my family meaning my mother, sister, and brother? My family meaning Kirsten and I? My family meaning those we see / date? My family of extended friends? I have a few families...

While my mother, sister, and brother know I'm on LiveJournal and I have been active with the site, I've never told them where my journal is, and they've never asked. It is entirely possible that they could simply Google my name, in which case I come up as about the first eight listings on the site. My mother has a degenerative neurological disorder and doesn't use computers anymore, I never hear from my brother and find him to be a bit of a judgemental rat, whereas my sister is understanding, kind, and thoughtful. If she did read my journal, she probably wouldn't even mention it to me, and would continue to treat me as me, and not just as someone who happened to be polyamorous.

The biggest discord I find in my life as it relates to polyamory is the internal drama within the community at times. This becomes a much bigger issue when you organize events and are trying to keep everyone happy. People's feelings get (usually inadvertently) hurt by others, or people judge how others practice polyamory as opposed to how they practice it, and it leads to conflict. Some people in the community are more casual than others, while some emphasize relationships very strongly -- all of them have strong feelings on the subject, however, and it's only natural for there to be some degree of friction. I do my best to avoid it and keep it out of our events.

While I have to admit that it would be great to find a perfect "serious" poly relationship that works out perfectly with Iceblink and myself, I also think that it would be wrong to be judgemental of those who just want to relax, cuddle, and engage in safe, consensual sexual behavior. Polyamory isn't just some kind of intellectual sewing circle -- it's also about sex. Similar issues also exist within the gay/lesbian community too between those who want to emphasize monogamous relationships and those who want to embrace clubs, bathhouses, and the sex industry too. I think it's healthy to acknowledge that all sides of the equasion contribute something to the community, and also that everything can also be taken to an extreme, especially if becomes dogma and doctrine and is seen as the only option availalble to people.

No matter how we define our sexuality, I think it's important to embrace responsible sex amongst consenting adults as a good thing. What makes it even better is when you're free to be you, I'm free to be me, and we're all free to change.

hyalin -- The alien has played this game 999 times already, so assuming that half of those who played already got the $1M, the alien is most likely loaded. My solution would be to take only the closed box so that you get the $1M for sure, then anonymously hire some people to incapacitate the alien, with the proviso that you get to search the alien and keep whatever he has on him. Take only the closed box... again. It will probably contain another $1M. Search the alien for their wallet, cool gadgets, flying saucer keys, spare change.

roshi -- I have some friends over here who are moving to Australia in a year or so. Perhaps sometime after that, I'd guess.

echan -- Love is worth whatever value you personally apply to it. For me, it's worth an awful lot. Not all relationships are worth the price, however. For me, love isn't worth sacrificing your core beliefs, though love is certainly something that causes you to reevaluate your beliefs at times, and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

perse -- I wouldn't know where to start, as I have a lot of favorites and a vivid imagination. Some involve groups of people. Some are one-on-one. Some are more sex-oriented, others more BDSM oriented. Some are very intricate and sadistic/masochistic, but all are essentially consentual. In most of my relationships, I tend to be a bit dominant, but it would be a nice change to meet a woman who has the strength to truely dominate me, but also one who is loving, caring, and affectionate at heart. I'm quite oral/tactile/sensory-driven and have a thing for being bitten, having my hair pulled, my face straddled, etc. Sometimes, there's nothing better than giving up all control and just being -- for lack of a better word -- used. Like a rag doll. Thoroughly, even! At the same time, I also love it when others consentually give me that same level of power over them, too. Oh, and did I mention kissing? Lots of kissing, too...

echan -- Finding our current social circle really started about 3-4 years back. Iceblink and I had a few core friends, but most had moved out of the Bay Area, and we tended to be a bit shy and reserved, only making friends gradually. (It's easy when you work all the time to let your circle of friends dwindle, but it's harder to make new ones, especially if your interests are other than vanilla.)

It was clear we were both moving towards being more interested in expressing our poly/bi/kinky sides of ourselves, so we started going to local public gatherings where we got to know people a bit better over the course of several months. Our T&S events started by simply inviting our LJ friends over -- many of whom were poly/GLBT/kinky/accepting/whatevah. It worked out well, and we kept at it, even on those times when few people showed up. It's been a bit of work at times, but has also made our social life far more interesting as a result. At one point, we were promoting T&S more widely, but we've pulled back a bit again, as we want to strike a balance between events which are fully public and events which encourage a level of closeness and bonding amongst friends. At the same time, I think it also helps that we still go to other people's events, as it helps us to expand our circle of friends that way too. We're both considerably less shy than we were several years back, and generally happier.