February 1st, 2003


maybe this country is cursed...

Yesterday, I posted to my sfbayarea community to let people know that the space shuttle Columbia was going to be visible overhead this morning.

I was dead tired and missed it, but elainegrey saw it.


Bright pink-red glowing spark leaving a contrail across the entire sky -- and it was high enough up that it was above the foglets!"

She's deleted her comment, obviously in horror.

Mission control lost contact with the space shuttle Columbia today at 6am PST, just a few minutes after it passed overhead. It either broke up or exploded sometime upon reentry. It has crashed over Texas, and it is presumed that there are no survivors.

There is never a good time for tragedies, but I fear that this one might be particularly poorly timed. I have nothing to say about today, really. No great profound words. Just a hollow place where pain should be. My biggest concerns are whether this will lead to even further blind patriotism on the verge of a war, and whether the inevitable soul searching and introspection to follow over at NASA will effect my friends who work there. I feel selfish for not feeling more than that right now.

It's too hard to calculate this instant what it means to lose all the astronauts and another shuttle, and all the sorrow, pain, frustration, uncertainty, and doubt that will be left in its wake. I guess I just want peace, progress, and prosperity. I want to be able to feel *something more* when tragedies like this happen, rather than just adding them to a long list of yet another thing that has gone wrong. I want tragedy to be the exception, not the rule, so that when tragedy comes, it actually *means* something again. Perhaps those desires are selfish, but no matter what you may think of Clinton, that's what we got during his administration, more or less.

Maybe we all need to get used to the idea of tragedy being the exception rather than the rule. If it is, however, it's still our collective fault.

more on the shuttle...

I was saddened and moved byelainegrey's post today.

"This morning, around 5:53, X and i were standing at our north facing window, watching the streak of the shuttle re-entering the atmosphere. There was no sound but the crashing of waves and our "oooooh"s of appreciation. (Someone on a mailing list i get had speculated that maybe we'd hear sonic booms.) That fuchsia pink star streaking across the night sky -- how long till most mornings were crossed by re-entering vehicles, how soon till we double, triple our fleet? What about that plan i read about last week of solar power from the lunar surface.... I forget when i gave up my dream of becoming an astronaut, but I have always dreamed toward the stars.

We fed the loud cat (the others looked at us with amusement from their sleeping positions) and went back to bed. I wanted to call my Dad, tell him of the sight, share the beauty of it. But it was warm and cozy with both of us in bed, and even though X offered to get the phone, i knew i could call later.

We slept.

The sun rose and fought through the blinds, the cats clambered across us, we dozed. The phone rang. I bolted from the bed, embarrassed to be sleeping in so late, grabbed the phone in the office and walked back to the bedroom. It's my dad. I want to tell him what i saw, the beauty of it, and he asks if i heard the news.

I crumble."

The fine art of self-delusion

Trying to delude myself that everything in this world is going to be alright... which it will be... somehow. Sooner or later.

Don't want to read more depressing crap, but at the same time, I like being informed about just about anything under the sun. I shouldn't have to escape from reality just because it sucks so badly lately. Still, I could use a vacation from it, perhaps.

So, I'm taking a break and I'm reading funny stuff. I read Sinfest in the vague, "it's never going to happen" hope that 'nique and Slicky will finally hook up. (she's a hottie.)

There are also the excellent Engrish captions for an Asian bootleg DVD of Lord of the Rings - The Two Towers. Very funny...

That's the problem with eating in Mordor...

No, forgetful one. It was actually gandalf/foo/bin...


You too, you Trent Reznor poseur!

...and he hasn't gotten laid in 400 years. Master is in for a nasty surprise!

Wha..?! Damn! I must've missed the Rowan Atkinson cameo...

l3tz c y00r c001 warez...!

The forces of evil didn't stand a chance against the trash talkers of Rohan...

...but I'm still bummed. Need hot tub and some serious kissyface. Lots of both, thanks.