October 8th, 2002


Saddam may...

I am so sick of hearing these reports from the media about what Saddam may do. The latest of these was a statement by the head of the CIA, saying that "Saddam may give weapons to terrorists if he thinks he'll be attacked and has nothing to lose."

Um... well, duh. Saddam *may* do any number of things, given the mood. Which got me thinking that what we really need is to come up with an endless list of things that Saddam may do, until it becomes patently absurd worrying about one person and his penny ante country might do under any given situation.

Saddam may...
- infect thousands of goats with STDs and start herding them towards Israel.

- turn his tankers into giant bombs by filling them with petrol..

- splice his DNA with that of Hitler's and clone an army of horribly unattractive soldiers with inferiority complexes that make them want to do unpredictable, spiteful acts.

- blow his own country up first, just to beat us to it.

- take La Ciccolina up on her offer, who would give birth to unibrow offspring.

- step down from power and start doing the talk show circuit, having a tear-filled confessional on Oprah about his abusive father and his constant struggle with weight loss.

- take a jump to the left, and then a step to the right. He may also do the hokey pokey and then turn himself around.

- change his mind about having a duel with Bush, settling instead for a fight with Danny Bonaduce on Celebrity Boxing.

- load his entire country of 22,000,000 people on makeshift boats and sail them to invade New York City. Eighty percent of the shoddy vessels would sink on the way, 90% of what was left would be sunk by the navy, and another 80% would be shot as they landed, leaving an army of 88,000 Iraqis on our shore. The Iraqi army would be mysteriously wiped out during the night while occupying Brooklyn, Harlem, Queens, and the Bronx. The remaining Iraqis, in fear for their lives, would defect and become cab drivers.

So... what do *you* think Saddam may do?!


Took a catnap for about 30 minutes. Perhaps I should do so more often, because it seems to be one of the few times when I can reliably remember my dreams...

bits and pieces:

I was at my parent's old house, where I accidentally spraypainted my hair pink and blue, with glitter... it looked fabulous, but I had to wash it out before coming to the dinner table. :-/

There was an odd crack in the plaster to the right side of the sink, where I saw ladybugs pushing a bunch of things that looked like spider eggs. I took a flexible spray nozzle and zapped the large spider egg-like creations. Turns out they were chocolate lady bugs wrapped in foil.

I was naked in the classroom, but I didn't really mind.... I think I was a kind of show-and-tell project. All the kids flocked to the door of the white, white, white classroom when they heard Radiohead playing "Lucky" outside...

Met someone in a dream. White bed with white sheets in a white, white, white room... but somehow not the classroom anymore. Very cuddly with realistic f*cking action.

have you called your mother lately?

The Sundance Channel is pretty damn cool. They just featured a profile on Marc Anthony Thompson, the guy behind Chocolate Genius, which featured his self-made video for a song called "My Mom"...

Now, of course, I want to do two things:
1> Visit my mom.
2> Visit NYC when it's snowing.

"The buildings of New York look just like mountains through the snow..."