October 19th, 2001


If words were drugs...

I love late night television commercials... they give me endless sources of satire. Came up with this short sequence quite rapidly. I think I would have liked being a scriptwriter.

reporter - "Every year in America, millions of our children are falling victim to a silent epidemic, making money for ominous overseas cartels of flashcard makers who we seem helpless to stop."

>cut to a middle class household. reporter, Timmy, mother present.<

reporter - "Here is Timmy. He is five years old, but already in the grip of addiction."
reporter - "Timmy, can you spell the word the word 'there' for me?"
>shot of Timmy, dopey eyed, in deep concentration<
Timmy - "Thhh-uhhh-eeerrrr"
reporter - "Timmy?!"
>Timmy drools<
Timmy - "Thhh-uhhh...eeerrr.... Th-uhhh....eeerrr"
>more drool... Shot of Timmy's mother, crying<
mother - "I didn't know!! Oh, God, I didn't know..."
>sudden, wild eyed, angry expression<
mother - " I don't know what kind of sick bastard did this to my son, but whoever you are, I hope you go straight to hell! Straight to hell!"
>cut to shot taken w/ school playground in background<
reporter - "Timmy has become a statistic... he is one of many kids, predominantly from white, middle class communities, that have become hopelessly hooked. Hooked on phonics."

>sequence with a kid. every bit as pathetic as Timmy, going up to suspicious looking character who takes their lunch money secretively, frenetically, then shows the kid some flashcards... more drooling, useless Timmys...<

reporter - "This new plague on society isn't just restricted to outside the schoolyard. It is reaching our kids through the music they listen to and that our radio stations play every day."

>cut to concert, where a rapper is performing <

"Yo bitch!
I'm the guy with trenchcoat, black hat...
sellin' the words like a pusher sellin' crack...
outside the schoolyard... handful of flashcards...
getting kids all hooked on phonics... yeaaah.

Come on, come on, you know where it's at...
I'll give you the 'cuh' but you'll pay for the 'at'.
Cause you're addicted, just cannot quit it...
flippin' the cards and soundin' out cat..
strung out and hooked on phonics... yeaaah."

Bad Propaganda

Reading the text of propaganda flyers we are dropping on Afghanistan. My God, are they laying it on thick!

"You have just guaranteed your own demise."
"You are condemned."
"You sentenced yourself to death."
"Resistance is futile..."
"You will be assimilated."
"All your base are belong to us!"

Ok. I was lying about the last two, but they aren't far off...

That's me, the hummingbird man...

Looking at the pictures that this guy took of the Bay Area Weblogger User Group... (I'm trying to get them to change the name. Too blogcentric...)

On to specific pictures... Here's Robert Scoble, the illustrious founder of the group and also the marketing guy for Userland. Here's Ev from Blogger in the Black T-shirt, and here's a picture of me in my LiveJournal T-shirt, drinking mint tea and talking to shaggy, with iceblink sitting below me.

I like the comments people entered on the picture I am in...

"I'm pounding on her head, but she's not moving"
"Reminds me of that old Nintendo wrestling game in which you had that special move that allowed you to pound like that."
"Jeez, he's fast! Didjah check out his neuro-kinetics?!"

What can I say?! My neuro-kinetics are off the charts...

Culture jamming idea...

Here's something I encourage everyone to do for a bit of fun...

You know how I mentioned U.S. propaganda flyers that we're dropping on the Afghanis? Well, since the Taliban are probably hiding out in caves/mosques/people's houses somewhere and they don't have an airforce anymore, they can't leaflet us, can they?!

Does that seem fair to you?! We're Americans, dammit. We pride ourselves on our fairness. We've got to do it for them.

Here's an idea... Using the text for the leaflets I mentioned as an example, make up your own anti-U.S. propaganda leaflets that mention all the evil nasty things that the big, bad Taliban will do to us if we don't surrender. Add in a few friendly graphics or wingdings N to make things more interesting, then drop them from the highest place you can find. Oh... you might want to put a little note on it somewhere saying that it is a parody, unless you want the F.B.I. snooping through your garbage or confiscating your computer.

If you do make your own propaganda flyer, please reply back with a picture of your creation. This sounds like a meme whose time has come!