September 22nd, 2001



I was flipping channels and noticed the Miss America pageant. I figured I would watch it for a few minutes, just to see whether the normal "world peace and understanding" spiel would fly out the door in exchange for jingoism.

But the second woman they showed was just too shocking. I live in California. There are lots of beautiful women in California... and somehow they chose her:

those teeth, those nostrils... oh mai!

The picture really doesn't do justice to what this woman looks like on stage, where she is all teeth and nose... like some kind of Plymptoon... teeth that make you feel about as comfortable as a male black widow spider must feel shortly after breeding. Teeth that only H.R. Giger or a great white shark could love. I don't generally judge people much on appearance, but here's a big hint... if you don't want to be judged on your appearance, don't sign up for a beauty pageant.

Why don't they have a more beautiful Miss California? My theory is that most of the beautiful women in California have too much self respect to put themselves through the indignities involved. Ah well... someone cuter will win, I'm sure, and with any luck I won't be haunted by those teeth.