June 26th, 2001

fashionable

There's something in your chocolate...

... and it's not crunchy frog.

... and it's not that I'm talking about the pesticides or fertilizer residue, either. (A recent British study examined pesticide levels in food. Chocolate was amongst the worst offenders, often violating the government regulated limits on pesticides linked to cancer, sperm abnormalities, mood swings, headaches, tiredness, and male infertility. Many of the pesticides commonly found in chocolate are banned in the U.S.)

... I'm not even talking about the standard level of contamination allowed. You know... those FDA-allowable levels of how much insect and rodent filth you can have in chocolate. Thankfully, we can all expect to consume no more than 60 insect fragments and no more than 1 rodent hair per 100 grams (3.5 oz.) of chocolate, on average.

Nope. It's child slave labor. Young teens lured from their home, sold, made to work under awful conditions, and frequently whipped when they don't work hard enough. Mmmm... slave labor.

Thankfully, like the rest of the impurities one expects from chocolate, it's hopelessly mixed into the final product, so you never have to worry about things like child slavery, DDT, or insect heads in your chocolate. It all tastes uniformly good, and that's the way we like it!