Insomnia (insomnia) wrote,

If words were drugs...

I love late night television commercials... they give me endless sources of satire. Came up with this short sequence quite rapidly. I think I would have liked being a scriptwriter.

reporter - "Every year in America, millions of our children are falling victim to a silent epidemic, making money for ominous overseas cartels of flashcard makers who we seem helpless to stop."

>cut to a middle class household. reporter, Timmy, mother present.<

reporter - "Here is Timmy. He is five years old, but already in the grip of addiction."
reporter - "Timmy, can you spell the word the word 'there' for me?"
>shot of Timmy, dopey eyed, in deep concentration<
Timmy - "Thhh-uhhh-eeerrrr"
reporter - "Timmy?!"
>Timmy drools<
Timmy - "Thhh-uhhh...eeerrr.... Th-uhhh....eeerrr"
>more drool... Shot of Timmy's mother, crying<
mother - "I didn't know!! Oh, God, I didn't know..."
>sudden, wild eyed, angry expression<
mother - " I don't know what kind of sick bastard did this to my son, but whoever you are, I hope you go straight to hell! Straight to hell!"
>cut to shot taken w/ school playground in background<
reporter - "Timmy has become a statistic... he is one of many kids, predominantly from white, middle class communities, that have become hopelessly hooked. Hooked on phonics."

>sequence with a kid. every bit as pathetic as Timmy, going up to suspicious looking character who takes their lunch money secretively, frenetically, then shows the kid some flashcards... more drooling, useless Timmys...<

reporter - "This new plague on society isn't just restricted to outside the schoolyard. It is reaching our kids through the music they listen to and that our radio stations play every day."

>cut to concert, where a rapper is performing <

"Yo bitch!
I'm the guy with trenchcoat, black hat...
sellin' the words like a pusher sellin' crack...
outside the schoolyard... handful of flashcards...
getting kids all hooked on phonics... yeaaah.

Come on, come on, you know where it's at...
I'll give you the 'cuh' but you'll pay for the 'at'.
Cause you're addicted, just cannot quit it...
flippin' the cards and soundin' out cat..
strung out and hooked on phonics... yeaaah."

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