Insomnia (insomnia) wrote,
Insomnia
insomnia

Soooo....

Yes, I know that I haven't been posting much, even though I am "back"...

A big part of the reason for that is that I'm actually busy living my life... but I do have downtime, and basically find that a lot of the good bits in my life, involving my personal desires and thoughts, my labours, lusts, and kinkitude... they either aren't documented for discrete purposes, or because I can't be arsed, or they simply wind up elsewhere on the intarwebz, frequently at a location that is more discrete. If you really want to know where that is, message me privately with a list of ten shockingly, embarrassingly personal things about you, and I will let you know where I'm posting the good stuff.

But the question at this late, late hour is, "what can I say today?!"

I can say that I am changing a lot, both inside and out.

I can say that despite the fact that I'm doing quite a few cool things, and I'm surrounded by a lot of cool people, I'm oftentimes not in the least bit cool myself. This is not a bug. It's a design feature.

I can say that I usually go to bed at night all alone in a lush king-sized bed that is far too big and oftentimes far too lonely for one person, but despite that, I suck it up, because I'm rediscovering my self and my life, and I'm profoundly cynical of sharing that bed with anyone who doesn't know the whole me, can't be bothered to find out, isn't somewhat excited about the changes, and isn't on a similar journey themselves.

I can say that it seems that a lot of my life has been about helping to corrupt n00bs -- and sometimes minors -- albeit in safe, socially responsible ways. I'm still doing that in my own way, and indeed, view it as an absolute necessity, given that the alternative is entrenched fear and closemindedness.

I can say that I've let myself down in the past -- and others down too -- and that I'm keenly aware of this fact and trying to make amends... sometimes to the point of not even moving forward on some things I would *like* to do, until I"m on top of my sh*t. S.F. is an all-consuming beast of addictions and distractions, and it will extract its chunk of your soul unless you stay focused on what matters.

I can say so much of my life right now is quite literally about walking in my shoes and being in my self. The focus is very much on me, but that's a healthy thing. Most of the relationships I can afford to deal with are with online friends or those I see during my adventures, but in truth, I appreciate them greatly... even in passing.
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